i don't care.

This weekend was pretty awesome and i realized a lot about myself. My camp counselor from my first year as a questie at sky ranch, Summer, who i love dearly, came into town and visited. We had a great time laughing and catching up. We did a lot of fun stuff in downtown dallas and the shops at legacy, but it comes down to the talks we had that really made her visit even better. I am an only child, and as weird as it may sound, she feels like an older sister that i never had. She challenged me to answer tough questions that i have been avoiding. She interrogated me about my boyfriend and had to meet him to approve. Lastly, she helped me realize how much i have declined in my faith walk. While answering her questions, we both were sad about my lack of drive and desire to pursue my relationship further with the only guy that matters. i reassured her that the drive and desire will come full circle and be back stronger than ever, atleast that is what i have been telling myself. She said, "but what if it doesn't?" and that scared the crap out of me. what if it doesn't? am i just going to sit here and wait for it to come back around? sadly, my answer was and is yes. I met with my youth minister today and had a discussion about this. Today i realized a huge problem. The ONLY things i care about in life right now, are my relationships with people. Everything else in life i am apathetic towards. i. don't. care. I made a connection. Without God being present in the majority of my thoughts, actions, and decisions, i am not living. i am just going through the motions of life, and it sucks. without my Passion, i have no other passions for anything else. i would give anything to have my passionate life back. if i would, why am i not jumping at the bits to pick up the pieces of my broken life and put it back together? who knows. i have committed myself to this everlasting relationship and i am standing up my Lord day after day. it hurts, but then again, i dont really care.
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