unexpected blessings :)

SO basically I have found that when we are unexpecting of blessings and graces that the Lord may give us.. we receive them!

A month ago i was triumphing in my independence, about how i was fine with my life with few true friends... i was perfect with just God.

A few weeks ago, i met this guy. I have developed a companionship with this guy that i can't explain. Not only is he soft-spoken and sweet, he loves the Lord. a LOT. His steadfast spirit and strong will to keep God first blows me away. I admire him for who he is, what he does, and how he acts, among many other things. I can open up to him and become free in myself when I am with him. A simple conversation is now meaningful, and i can't stop thinking about him.

He is the epitome of what I had decided I couldn't find. he is breaking down barriers that i didn't know i had in myself. He is fueling a fire inside me that wants to burn for the Kingdom, and its amazing. His level-head and maturity is uncomparable. I look in his eyes and I see all that is good and holy. His gentle and graceful spirit blesses me daily.

When i think about him, all i can say to myself is Hallelujah!

<3becca

praise God

Give praise to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever.


Each and everyday, the Lord is revealing new things to me. His infinite wisdom is pouring into my heart at an astounding rate. I just want to share these things with everyone I know. Things i used to feel unsettled or on the fence about, I am more than sure.

For example, I am truly content with being single. Up until a few months ago, I felt like I had to have a boyfriend or a date at all times. Basically i have realized that the type of guy i want for myself will not be found in high school. I am just going to focus on preparing myself for the guy that my God is preparing for me, and when the time comes, I will be prepared for him, and vice versa.

I wish i could go on about all the things that i have realized in the past few days but i have my ap us history exam tomorrow.

Praise God.

used

being used is a funny thing.

in a few past relationships i have been in, i have been used. when it is convenient for other people, they are the best of friends. when they are experiencing pain, they ask for my help. when they have nothing better to do, they ask to hang out, to just talk. occasionally they will tell me how much they miss me, then they forget me within the next day. other people they invest their time in, are fleeting, so they come back to me. and i am still here them..

this exposes my humanness (if that is even a word?)... My feelings are hurt everytime this happens to me, and everytime it happens i think to myself, "Becca, guard your heart, just don't be available the next time it's convenient for them or when they are in need... then they will know you aren't a doormat." At some points, every ounce of my being wants so badly to go through with that thought. Unfortunately, or i guess fortunately, i have never followed through with my thoughts. When they come to me when in pain or with a problem i'm still here, just to be used once again. I can't back down on a friendship i thought i once had. I feel obligated to be there for that person no matter how they treat me.

When i was thinking about this last night, I realized that up until a while back, i treated my God in the same fickle way. This hurts my heart more than anything, because i now know how it feels to be treated this way. To think that i gave my Savior the same feelings that i am experiencing now, makes me sick. I came to Him with problems when they came, and when I didn't have anything 'better' to do, I would delve into the Bible.

What is amazing and truly gives me strength is the fact that my God was there with open arms everytime i came back to Him, as fickle as it may have been. There wasn't one time that my Father in Heaven said, "Sorry Becca, you told me you really missed me and that you were going to spend more time with me... and you didn't.. I can't be friends with you any longer.." He was always glad that I came back when i did.

This inspires me to emulate Jesus with my experiences; i will be here when its convenient for my friends. This also fuels my heart to never be fickle with my God again.