unexpected blessings :)

SO basically I have found that when we are unexpecting of blessings and graces that the Lord may give us.. we receive them!

A month ago i was triumphing in my independence, about how i was fine with my life with few true friends... i was perfect with just God.

A few weeks ago, i met this guy. I have developed a companionship with this guy that i can't explain. Not only is he soft-spoken and sweet, he loves the Lord. a LOT. His steadfast spirit and strong will to keep God first blows me away. I admire him for who he is, what he does, and how he acts, among many other things. I can open up to him and become free in myself when I am with him. A simple conversation is now meaningful, and i can't stop thinking about him.

He is the epitome of what I had decided I couldn't find. he is breaking down barriers that i didn't know i had in myself. He is fueling a fire inside me that wants to burn for the Kingdom, and its amazing. His level-head and maturity is uncomparable. I look in his eyes and I see all that is good and holy. His gentle and graceful spirit blesses me daily.

When i think about him, all i can say to myself is Hallelujah!

<3becca

praise God

Give praise to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever.


Each and everyday, the Lord is revealing new things to me. His infinite wisdom is pouring into my heart at an astounding rate. I just want to share these things with everyone I know. Things i used to feel unsettled or on the fence about, I am more than sure.

For example, I am truly content with being single. Up until a few months ago, I felt like I had to have a boyfriend or a date at all times. Basically i have realized that the type of guy i want for myself will not be found in high school. I am just going to focus on preparing myself for the guy that my God is preparing for me, and when the time comes, I will be prepared for him, and vice versa.

I wish i could go on about all the things that i have realized in the past few days but i have my ap us history exam tomorrow.

Praise God.

used

being used is a funny thing.

in a few past relationships i have been in, i have been used. when it is convenient for other people, they are the best of friends. when they are experiencing pain, they ask for my help. when they have nothing better to do, they ask to hang out, to just talk. occasionally they will tell me how much they miss me, then they forget me within the next day. other people they invest their time in, are fleeting, so they come back to me. and i am still here them..

this exposes my humanness (if that is even a word?)... My feelings are hurt everytime this happens to me, and everytime it happens i think to myself, "Becca, guard your heart, just don't be available the next time it's convenient for them or when they are in need... then they will know you aren't a doormat." At some points, every ounce of my being wants so badly to go through with that thought. Unfortunately, or i guess fortunately, i have never followed through with my thoughts. When they come to me when in pain or with a problem i'm still here, just to be used once again. I can't back down on a friendship i thought i once had. I feel obligated to be there for that person no matter how they treat me.

When i was thinking about this last night, I realized that up until a while back, i treated my God in the same fickle way. This hurts my heart more than anything, because i now know how it feels to be treated this way. To think that i gave my Savior the same feelings that i am experiencing now, makes me sick. I came to Him with problems when they came, and when I didn't have anything 'better' to do, I would delve into the Bible.

What is amazing and truly gives me strength is the fact that my God was there with open arms everytime i came back to Him, as fickle as it may have been. There wasn't one time that my Father in Heaven said, "Sorry Becca, you told me you really missed me and that you were going to spend more time with me... and you didn't.. I can't be friends with you any longer.." He was always glad that I came back when i did.

This inspires me to emulate Jesus with my experiences; i will be here when its convenient for my friends. This also fuels my heart to never be fickle with my God again.

living evidence

so today i got to spend a couple hours with a camp counselor from three years back. It was neat to see how she has changed in three years and to hear her remarks about how I have changed. It is soooo fun seeing a camp counselor outside of camp because then they are actually real. It sounds weird, but when you are at camp, you are in a bubble that makes people seem too good to be true... Today i experienced that too good is true. Listening to her speak made it blatantly obvious that she is a servant for the Lord in every way. In tragedy she finds love and hope, in change she finds reason, and in this world she finds Truth, which is a lot more than i can say. She eloquently put many ambiguous things going through my mind into well put sentences. She brought level-headedness (if thats even a word) to many topics that my mind is anything but level. It is so interesting to me that i can just soak in the wisdom that people like Kim pour out, and it suddenly seems so real. I know that God puts people like Kim in my life for an obvious purpose. Role models such as Kim are few and far between, but in a world like this, i need them to keep me motivated. She is living evidence that I, too, can fight the temptations of this world and better the Kingdom.

two roads

this past weekend i was proposed with a challenge..

there are two roads in life, one of the world and one of God. It is time to choose which road you would like to travel on.

I have spent my life going across the overpass from the world road to the God road and so on and so forth. It took this analogy of the two roads to express how fickle i am with my God. I was at Sky Ranch this weekend for Prayaway, a church retreat. The weather was gorgeous and it reminded me of summer camp. Once again i was confused by the fact that I have some issue with keeping promises with God, yet I am fully reliable when it comes to promises with people, whether i know them well or not. I have chosen to take the God road, and i have never been more excited. I have many people holding me accountable and strength from the One and only. I will try my best to be an apostle of Christ. If i spend more time with Christ I will be loved, and in return learn how to love. I need His wisdom and knowledge to get me through this world.

I have confidence that i will travel on this road forever.


<3becca

restored.

heyyyyyyy.

today is good friday, and it truly is 'good'. I feel like i should be filled with sorrow because a long time ago my Savior died for me on this day. However, this tragedy brought about the greatest good that there can be, redemption. So i guess calling it a good day is maybe an understatement. i shall call it Great Friday.

since my last post, many important things have happened in my life. 1) Most importantly, i have gotten back on track with God. and it feels awesome. 2) also since my last post i have planned out my entire life, tentatively. which makes me very happy because i love having things planned. 3) alsooo i have gained much wisdom (or so i think) and insight. i dont know why or how.. but many things that i have had to deal with in the past few months have really made me "grow up" so to speak.

just to explain things a little more i numbered off the huge changes in my life, since you all care so much. ha.

1) GETTING ON TRACK WITH GOD-
this all started when i went to College Station to stay with Summer (my sky ranch camp counselor / mentor / friend / older sister figure ) for a weekend. On my last night there we stayed up really late just talking about God. When she asked me hard questions i gave her the dumbest answers. they sounded so good in my head, but when they exited my mouth they sounded REDiculous. On the way home from a&m and the rest of that weekend i spent the majority of my waking hours in prayer or just soul searching. That sunday night at CREW (my youth group) i had to decide if i was leading retreat. since i made a concious decision to 'walk the walk and talk the talk' i also decided to lead retreat. i will touch more on retreat in number 3. hah. anyways, it has been amazing how much i have changed since that weekend in College Station. i feel new. and restored.

2) MY LIFE IS PLANNED OUT- so basically i have my life planned out completely. God probably has a completely DIFFERENT plan in store, but this is tentatively what i have planned. I'm going to LSU for an undergrad degree in pre-med. There i will be in a sorority just has all my family who goes to LSU including my mom has done. After my freshman year, i will apply to get a counselor position at Sky Ranch hopefully resulting in me working there. After three more years pass, i will then go on to LSU dental school in new orleans. I will hopefully meet a man of God somewhere in there and we will be happily married with several children.

3) I HAVE GAINED WISDOM- i am not really sure when this happened or how it happened, but recently i feel like i have grown up a little more. As the end of my Junior year is drawing near, it is becoming more real that I am about to enter into my last year of high school... To older people that are in college or even out of college, i am still so young and immature. however, to a kid in elementary school being a senior seems like a big accomplishment. After being put in a leadership position at the Getaway retreat at sky ranch with my church, i really think some switch in my head turned on. It is hard to describe but so are many other things in life. like the taste of water. or something.

so i'm obsessed with candles. i love them. i like to compare my faith to a candle. if my faith was a candle, i would want to be a trick candle. that even when people try to blow you out, you still stay lit. this trick candle will never go out. and that is just how its going to be.



<3becca


oh yea, and. donating blood was the worst experience of my life. kthanks.

you dont have to be a saint...

i haven't been going to my youth group or bible study at all for the past month and a half. i wish i could say i missed it.

in my life there are extremes. in no aspect of my life can i be a happy medium. this is what leads me to my problem. i have made some decisions lately that i am less than happy about. everyday teenagers behave in ways that are embarrassing to the human race. until lately, i have been an exception to the rule. i wasn't one of those teens and i wasn't planning on becoming one. unforunately, my actions have proved to be symptoms of this stage of my life.

because of my recent actions, i have completely cut out youth group and bible study... which could quite possibly be an even worse decision. I feel like when i attend church three times a week i am SHOUTING out to the world that this is how my life is when i'm not at church also. So, when i attend all the extras at church, that is seriously how my life is outside of church. hypocrisy is one of my pet peeves and i wont be a hypocrit. i'm not going to attend all these church things while i'm not acting the same outside of church.. its hard to explain and few understand... but i just can't. pray that i will climb out of this hole i have dug for myself.

<3becca